So, I get a lot of feedback from my blogs. Luckily, it all seems to be positive. I have people messaging me on Facebook, through Google or my blog and they are full of praise for my openness and the way I try and encourage others to be accepting.
However, a few times, through messaging or just talking to people about naturism in person, I have heard similar comments:
“I want to be a naturist but it’s very hard as i’m not as good looking or as skinny as you”.
I know that it is meant to be a compliment but it does grate somewhat.
I don’t normally share things as personal as this on here but I do feel the need to now. Recently, I have lost an awful lot of weight. I forget to eat, a lot. I know it sounds ridiculous to some people but I do find it genuinely easy to forget. I get distracted and before I know it, it’s six in the evening and I haven’t eaten a thing all day. Due to this, I very rarely feel hungry anymore, I get ill a fair bit, end up physically gagging when I eat too much (most of the time not even half a meal) and my new girlfriend is constantly trying to remind me to eat and is terrified that I will end up in hospital.
Naturism has certainly done a lot for my body confidence. When I was younger I was tiny, but not quite so skinny as now. I had much smaller breasts than many of my peers, no curves and similar worries that many young girls do. Through naturism, I have discovered that none of these things matter and I have tried to purvey that to others with similar worries. In the same way, size does not matter either. I doubt very much that anyone has ever kicked a person out of their bed whilst in flagrante, just the same as nobody at a naturist gathering has pointed, laughed at or told someone that they looked disgustingly fat. Because they do not care what you look like. Society paints this picture of the ‘perfect’ body and then slates celebrities for trying to achieve what they are told they must look like. As we know, this then perpetuates the impossible vision of a ‘perfect beauty’ in the minds of the public.
I have not had any of the above assumptions for many years and naturism has made me accept who I am but just recently, with me having lost weight when I’ve been genuinely trying not to, I find it harder and harder to remain positive about myself.
Some of you may not notice much of a difference but believe me, I do. Now, I am not looking for an array of diagnoses or people telling me to go to the doctor. I am just trying to point out that for all of my comments about how wonderful naturism is for body confidence, it doesn’t solve everything and I am finding myself more and more disgusted with my body when I look in the mirror. And yet it still isn’t enough to make me eat.
When I did the naked bike ride in Manchester, I weighed eight and a half stone. Since then, I have lost my job, been forced to move back home and apart from a new relationship, been rather unhappy with my life. My weight has dropped dramatically and I now weigh just under seven stone, six pounds of which I have lost in the last month alone.
This will not stop me being a naturist at home or going to events and meets. I want to remain comfortable naked in front of others as I find events relaxing, comfortable and sometimes empowering. But I just want people to know that being skinny and young does not mean that I am able to be a naturist any easier than someone who is larger or older. It is in no way about that and whatever size you are, the fears are often the same.